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Aiguebelle Monologue

December 10th, 2007 (04:41 pm)
listless

current location: OGS, 20th floor
current mood: listless

From the movie 2 days in Paris, by Marion:

"It always fascinated me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing. It hurts so much. When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing. Here it is. One more, one less. Another wasted love story. I really love this one.

When I think that its over, that I'll never see him again like this... well yes, I'll bump into him, we'll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we had never been together, then we'll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely. Almost. Always the same for me. Break up, break down. Drunk up, fool around. Meet one guy, then another, fuck around. Forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere and after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well.

There's a moment in life where you can't recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well you still can't live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well you love his sneezes more than anyone else's kisses."



FL and I were in town today, and admist lunch at MOS burger, over too much oil burgers and too little salt fries, she said how it's difficult to start anything because she is not the kind of person to expose herself and her vulnerabilities. To which I very calmly said "Well the other person is also exposing himself to you. That said, it just dawned on me that we don't always find it easy to live by our words.

*****


Sometimes you might have thought that you've moved on from something, but really, the truth could be that, that something has moved on and you're just in the very same place where you started. Too tired to think, and maybe just don't want to either. This state of feeling apathetic, I'm not sure how else to treat it but to slowly embrace it.


*****



I'm tired out from the year, tired out from pretending that it matters or from pretending that it does not matter. And somewhere in me I'm still working up the guts to say cooly, with the resolute gaze "it's not my problem no more." I believe I do dream/fantasize of it from time to time.

I need a (friggin superduperlicious scrumptious good good) holiday :)

Comments

Posted by: The J-thing (jemauvais)
Posted at: December 11th, 2007 05:25 pm (UTC)
Speranza

Don't get demoralised Bebe.  It's always easy to throw in the towel and give it all up, and it's always at the end when people look back and tell themselves "that's not so hard" when just earlier they were going "I'm never gonna make it".  It's just like running a race, and if a runner gives up, the moment he does and sees the prize slip from his grasp, he'll go "if only I fought on just that little bit longer".

You've already fought so far.  Fight on just that little bit longer Bebe, and I guarantee you it'll be worth it.

Posted by: Life with my L.U.M.I.X. (b_u_t_t_e_r_fly)
Posted at: December 12th, 2007 02:08 am (UTC)
Ferris-wheel romance


My phone's switched on 24/7 if you need to talk to someone although i don't really know what you're specifically relating to cos you tagged WORK, LIFE and LOVE.

But if it's about LOVE, then why is the giraffe even daring to leave such an optimistic comment? So i think it shouldn't be about him right? :p

Posted by: Life with my L.U.M.I.X. (b_u_t_t_e_r_fly)
Posted at: December 12th, 2007 02:24 am (UTC)
Ferris-wheel romance


1) "When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing."

--> I've never broken up first if i really love the guy alot. It's harder for me to handle cos i'd wanna try till there is no hope before i give up.


2) "After two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well."

--> How to "swear it is the one"? It's kinda hard cos when you know that sometimes there are some parts that don't fit esp in matters like that, surely it'd be damn difficult to convince yourself that THAT PERSON is the one just because you've been lonely for awhile. Ultimately, i don't think anyone should allow himself/herself to get into a situation like that where you just make do with what you have instead of venturing further.


3) "There's a moment in life where you can't recover any more from another break-up."

--> I guess there are some people who'd been hurt very deeply in the past until they dread going through the whole cycle again - meet someone, get together, break up, depression. But it never happened for me although there were times i thought i'd lost hope in love and ever finding someone who'd make me feel complete again. I'm not saying this cos i've Eric now and i'm so happy with him, so i change my whole perception of relationships and love. But even in the darkest moments of my life, i knew i'd never allow myself to stick to someone cos in the end, i'm just shortchanging myself by being contented with him just cos i'm afraid that i'll never meet my one true love.


4) "It's difficult to start anything because she is not the kind of person to expose herself and her vulnerabilities."

--> Why deny herself a chance at sharing her thoughts with someone else and probably experiencing love just because she can't get over this little barrier she set herself? I'm not saying she should expose all her dirty lil secrets, but take it as a learning experience and exchange of opinions. It's nice to talk to pple and listen to their views on issues. I guess close-minded pple are very often the ones who have to live life alone just because they're afraid to open up. It's not scary. It's actually quite enriching and fun to talk to people from all walks of life so you're not just living in your own little world and "ownself happening".

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