current location: OGS, 20th floor
current mood: listless
From the movie 2 days in Paris, by Marion:
"It always fascinated me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing. It hurts so much. When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing. Here it is. One more, one less. Another wasted love story. I really love this one.
When I think that its over, that I'll never see him again like this... well yes, I'll bump into him, we'll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we had never been together, then we'll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely. Almost. Always the same for me. Break up, break down. Drunk up, fool around. Meet one guy, then another, fuck around. Forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere and after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well.
There's a moment in life where you can't recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well you still can't live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well you love his sneezes more than anyone else's kisses."
FL and I were in town today, and admist lunch at MOS burger, over too much oil burgers and too little salt fries, she said how it's difficult to start anything because she is not the kind of person to expose herself and her vulnerabilities. To which I very calmly said "Well the other person is also exposing himself to you. That said, it just dawned on me that we don't always find it easy to live by our words.
Sometimes you might have thought that you've moved on from something, but really, the truth could be that, that something has moved on and you're just in the very same place where you started. Too tired to think, and maybe just don't want to either. This state of feeling apathetic, I'm not sure how else to treat it but to slowly embrace it.
I'm tired out from the year, tired out from pretending that it matters or from pretending that it does not matter. And somewhere in me I'm still working up the guts to say cooly, with the resolute gaze "it's not my problem no more." I believe I do dream/fantasize of it from time to time.
I need a (friggin superduperlicious scrumptious good good) holiday :)