My time is not in my hands
current mood: sad
Kai just informed me today that the rest of the girls were pissed off because I didn't show up for lunch. I didn't because I had to work, and as usual, it was to meet deadlines and more deadlines.
When Kai told me how she felt bad because she didn't show, I told her that it's not really bothering me because I've already texted them an apology, and I really did think that they would understand. Maybe it was the unpeturbness of my voice but when she hung up 10 minutes later, I felt like I just alienated another friend. Maybe I should have sounded more apologetic and stressed over everyone's displeasure at a no-show, but when you've been in this industry for a while now, you don't take anything personally. I wish they will realise that it's not personal if I don't show up, it's just that I more often than not have no control over my working hours. Something could be urgent in a span of half an hour, and that's really the problem, you'll never know until the very last minute.
Maybe this is why lawyers almost end up having friends in the same field. Sure, we start out with plenty of friends in diverse jobs, people whom you've bonded so well over secondary school and who were there for you every step of your growing up years, but will they always be so forgiving if you cancel last minute? You can tell if your friends are lawyers when they call to cancel 5 minutes to lunch time or even 10 minutes way past the supposed meeting time, and the friend will just say "it's alright. I understand". No questions asked, just sympathy because the other person is obviously trapped at work and anybody would be sore missing out on life because you were stuck at work.
I find myself in a really hilariously painful situation. I don't particularly enjoy or love my job, but I find myself having to justify my no-show by defending my job. Now how bizarre is that?!
Friends in the industry that I've spoken to tell me that their friends just stop asking them out after a while because we're either always busy, or we've stood our friends up one too many times. I was supposed to meet the girls again next week for lunch but Kai says she's not sure if that's still on.
When I told the others tonight at CYL's birthday party, TGH remarked that "your friends are not lawyers right". Yes that is true, but I still wish sometimes that it doesn't have to be like that.